


I Didn't Know I Was Lost

by zombiesbecrazy



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics)
Genre: Batfam Week 2018, Dick Grayson is Batman, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Sad Damian is Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 07:34:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15552765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zombiesbecrazy/pseuds/zombiesbecrazy
Summary: Dick knows that Damian has sequestered himself in his room and he doesn't know why, but hopefully he can get his Robin to open up to him.





	I Didn't Know I Was Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Written for BatFam Week 2018 for the Day 6 prompt - Hurt/Comfort.

It didn’t take long for Dick to find him, but that was mainly because he knew that Damian was in the penthouse and that he hadn’t left his room yet that day. That meant that Damian was absolutely on the other side of the door.

Dick was quite the detective after all.

What he didn’t know was what was wrong and why Damian was choosing to shut him out. Nine months they had been partners and sometimes Damian did this, locking himself away from the world, away from Dick and Alfred, but usually there was some sort of event leading up to it. An argument or a fight or something that had put him into a mood that had end in shouting and slammed doors on Damian’s part and leaving Dick with a feeling of empathy for Bruce having to deal with his younger self’s own flair for the dramatic.

But, as far as Dick was aware, nothing had happened. The previous night’s patrol had been smooth and Damian had seemed in good spirits when he had gone to bed. However it was now late afternoon and he had yet to be seen, though Dick could hear some music playing so he knew that Damian was at least awake and not slowly dying due to some unnoticed injury.

Probably not, at least.

Dick knocked at the door. Even if Damian was angry about something, at the very least the boy must be hungry for something other than the snacks that he knew were stashed in his room after having skipped breakfast and lunch. The music turned off and then after a few moments of shuffling noises, a small voice answered.

“Come in.”

He was sitting on his bed, with he’s knees curled up to his chest and his back against the headboard. The curtains were wide open and, with a rare Gotham sunny day, the sunshine was pouring in, lighting up the room. A book was lying abandoned beside him, along with his phone with a pause button on the screen, obviously from his music. Dick sat down on the foot of the bed and looked him over. The boy looked overwhelmingly tired for someone who had gotten a relatively early night and had the opportunity so far to sleep through most of the day, but didn’t appear to be sick. “You’ve been kinda quite today. Are you alright?”

“I’m well.” Damian’s facial features were determined but the tone of his voice and the monosyllabic nature of his words suggested otherwise. If he were fine, he would have said so in much more colourful language.

“That doesn’t mean that you are alright.” Damian’s lips tightened into a thin line and he shifted his eyes avoiding looking at Dick, who sighed. Was faulty communication genetic? “You know you can tell me what’s bothering you. No judgement here. Probably just some sympathy and maybe a hug if you’ll let me.”

“I would not count on a hug if I were you.” There was silence between them, but Dick had the feeling that Damian wasn’t done and just needed to be waited out. If he were being locked out, Damian wouldn’t have let him in the room in the first place. Whatever it was, it was possibly something that he wanted to talk about, but just needed to sort out how. Three full minutes of silence passed between them, and Dick was trying to figure out how best to push forward when Damian started talking again. “I suppose that what I feel can best be described as homesickness.” His small shoulders gave a shrug. “I know that this is my home now, and I’m happy here, but sometimes I miss aspects of my life before.”

Dick had not been expecting that type of honest response. When Damian had first moved to Gotham, he had often spoke about how great things were in his previous life, but it was something that had changed dramatically over a short period of time. It had been quite some time since he had said something about missing his previous home, and it was usually training related, missing a specific instructor or something along those lines. His reaction seemed much more personal this time, and a lightbulb went off in Dick’s head. “You know it’s okay to miss your mom, right?”

Damian immediately looked guilty and tried to downplay it unsuccessfully, which felt like a punch to the gut for Dick. “I wasn’t looking for validation of my feelings for my mother.”

“Did you Skype her today?” That got his attention and for the first time since he came in the room, Damian looked at him with narrow eyes, but his cheeks reddened, like he was embarrassed that he had been found out. “Damian, I know that you’re in contact with her. That’s allowed. She’s your mom. And it’s not like we’re hiding you. She knows you are here.”

Silence again. Damian licked his lips and his nostrils flared slightly. It was one of his tells that they were working on but he was letting it go unguarded here. “She’s on a mission and is radio silent until at least next week,” he conceded. “It’s her birthday. We always spent it together. It’s childish, but I miss it.”

Dick had to stop himself from grinning, because that would be inappropriate for the situation, but a small part of him was glad that he was upset about something so relatable. This was a problem that he could try and tackle. If there was something that he could relate about with Damian from when he was ten, it was missing his mom and not knowing what to do about it.

“Traditions aren’t childish.” He smiled at Damian who didn’t react further. “What did you usually do with her on her birthday?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Hey. I’m Batman, remember? And if Batman says it matters, it matters. That’s like a rule of Batman-ing.”

Damian looked out the window, at the skyline of Gotham and it reminded Dick of the way Bruce used to do that from his office in Wayne Tower, thinking about what only he could see on the skyline. Like it was holding all the answers to the questions that he had not yet asked. “It wasn’t anything extravagant of big. We’d spend most of the day in her chambers. Just talking, playing music and reading. At the end of the day we would head into the village and have a meal together at a small, family owned restaurant that she enjoyed. Just the two of us together for the day.”

“It wouldn’t be the same, but if you want to go out for dinner with me, I’m sure that we can find a place that she would like. Have a birthday dinner for her.”

“That’s unnecessary, Grayson,” said Damian, still looking out the window. “I appreciate the offer, but it would not be the same.”

“Did I ever tell you where the tradition of Robin’s riding the trains came from?”

“No.” He turned his head back to Dick, looking a little confused by his lack of segue. “I enjoy that exercise though.”

“Me too. But it didn’t start as a training exercise.” Damian switched to sitting cross legged, arms resting on his knees and Dick liked seeing the change in posture. He was listening. Interested in wherever Dick’s story was going. “When I came to live with Bruce, I struggled with living at the manor and how different it was from the circus and I tried to find different ways to feel some sort of normalcy. Most days I was fine, but others were tough. Usually anniversaries of something or another.”

“Understandable.”

“The first big one that I had trouble with and had a hard time with was my parents wedding anniversary. Not something that a kid usually pays attention to but they had always celebrated it with me, as a family thing. Nothing big, but we’d spend the night together in our trailer and sing and dance together as the train took us to the next town.” Dick could picture it in his mind and he smiled to himself. He and his parents holding hands and dancing together in a circle, classical music playing from a small stereo. “I didn’t know what I was supposed to do on that day without them. ‘Real’ holidays had stereotypical traditions, but your parent’s wedding anniversary doesn’t have rules of etiquette to follow.”

Dick remembered trying to look up online things to help, but search engines just kept looping him back to articles with titles like ‘Gifts to get your Parents for their Anniversary’, which was the exact opposite of helpful information. He had worked himself into panicked state before he eventually just broke down. “A few days before the day, Bruce found me hiding under a piano, having a sort of crisis because I just couldn’t process what I should do. I hadn’t been sleeping and I was stressed out about the entire thing and he hadn’t even been aware of what was bugging me. Finally he coaxed it out of me, hugged me, and told me it would be okay. I knew it _wasn’t_ okay and that he was just trying to make me feel better but the gesture was appreciated, even if he didn’t really understand or that there wasn’t anything that he could do to help.”

“So you understand why I don’t think going to dinner will alleviate my feelings,” said Damian softly, but Dick just shrugged. “Story’s not over.” He looked out the window himself and caught sight of the train tracks just visible to the north and grinned.   

“Two nights later, he came and got me in the middle of the night in his full Batman uniform, had me gear up and head out into Gotham with him.  At this time, I had only been out as Robin twice and while I was eager to go, I was confused because something about it felt weird because Bruce had said I had to train more before I went out again. We got out of the car near Sheldon Park and stood on a building over the tracks and Batman just said _‘two minutes, be ready’_ and stared down the tracks to the east.” He could remember his excitement with perfectly clarity, guessing what they were about to do and then being thrilled when he realised he had been right. Being Robin had just been so _cool_.

“As the train approached he held my hand and we jumped onto the train as it passed underneath and suddenly we were flying through the city on the roof. For about an hour we rode on top of the train as it did its loop. He just watched as I goofed off a bit; pretending to surf, doing walkovers on straight sections, asking questions train heist movies. You know, Dick Grayson things.” Damian rolled his eyes and once again Dick was reminded of Bruce. How many times had he seen that look cross Wayne features over his antics? “After a while we both laid down on the roof and I closed my eyes.” He closed his eyes now at the memory, letting it take him over. He took a feel deep breathes before continuing, not to calm himself, but to just enjoy the moment.

“That’s when I felt it. It wasn’t the same, but it was enough. Laying there on the roof with my eyes closed, everything felt right. The movement of the train felt like home. Like I was in my bed and being rocked to sleep by the motion of the train. I could feel my parents with me.” He opened his eyes again and he was glad to see a small grin on Damian face. “So the tradition of Robin’s riding the trains began. Not because it was good training, but because I was homesick for something I couldn’t recreate perfectly. But I made a new good memory from it.” He thought about the times that he had rode the trains himself. With Barbara and Jason and Tim. And now with Damian. He loved sharing it with people, even if they didn’t know the old connection he felt through it. “And a lot more since then.”

Without a word, Damian stood up and walked to the windowed wall of his room and stared out at the city. Dick knew that he had done it so that Dick couldn’t see his face, but Damian had apparently forgotten about the reflection in the glass.  There were no tears but his face clearly showed the distress that he was feeling. The accepting of his sadness. The loneliness of being apart from the one person he wanted to see that day. Dick waited until it looked like Damian was pulling himself back together, before getting up and standing beside him. Damian immediately leaned against him slightly and Dick wrapped his arm around him firmly. Tight enough so Damian got the message but loose enough so that if he wanted to extricate himself easily, he could.

“I knew I’d get a hug.”

“This isn’t a hug. I’m just hug adjacent.”

“Of course.”

Pulling away after a minute, Damian moved back to the bed and sat. “Grayson, would you accompany me for dinner out tonight? I’ve seen a place nearby that would probably suffice that I have yet to try. The menu seems authentic enough for me to think that it may be acceptable for this purpose.” He picked up his phone and looked at Dick hesitantly, “I’ll make a reservation?”

“Of course. Just let me know when you’re ready to go.” He can tell that this is Damian’s attempt at a polite dismissal for now so he moved to leave the room. Dick turned to close the door behind him when Damian shook his head, not looking up from his phone, but his voice is clear.

“You can leave it open.”


End file.
